Do you ever feel like you need permission from someone to do what you really want?
Permission to have the things you want to have; to be the person you REALLY want to be? Are you waiting for someone to say: “Permission has been granted to you, my dear, to DO, BE and HAVE whatever you want! No need to feel bad. It’s all there for you. Now, go get it; You deserve it!” And then a magic want is waived.
Well, the truth is you’ve already been given permission
From your higher power/God/The Divine/Mother (whatever you want to call your higher source). You just haven’t been able to hear through all the noise of the world outside you. You’ve been looking to other people to give you permission. YOU must give YOU permission. Period.
Isn’t it crazy that growing up, we were rarely (never?) given permission to have what we wanted. In fact, for most of us, we’ve often been told or been given the message that we CAN’T have what we want and it’s selfish to focus on ourselves.
News flash: That is VERY old, outdated thinking.
I’m here to tell you that you CAN give yourself permission TODAY to feel amazing and to live the life you’ve always wanted. Women are finally waking up to see their true gifts, potential and RECLAIMING what is already theirs. Will you be one of them?
And for those of us who HAVE given ourselves permission to do something, it’s not uncommon to feel those icky feelings: feelings like we didn’t earn it. Feelings like we don’t really deserve it. A feeling like we’re being selfish. A feeling of guilt because we ‘should’ be focusing on helping (pleasing) others (kids, family, friends, parents, employers, fill in the blank).
I have a feeling we’ve all experienced these feelings.
We question ourselves with: “Can I really be myself without worrying what others will think? Can I express myself without being judged? Lose this weight I’ve been carrying for years? Can I really find my soul mate after so many failed relationships?”
The answer is YES and Yes! BUT, only if you give yourself permission to.
It starts with YOU. It starts with you making up your mind. Will you give yourself permission TODAY to feel better? To speak up and say what you need to say? To try AGAIN, maybe for the 20th time! Will you?
If you’ve said YES to giving yourself permission here is what I invite you to tell yourself today:
“I give myself permission TODAY to feel good. To dream again. To set boundaries with people who I feel bad around or who drain my energy. I give myself permission to say no when I don’t really want to do something. To be honest with others. To let go of the past. I give myself permission to create new stories about my life. To drop ALL the self-limiting beliefs I’ve had about myself.To feel attractive, desirable, abundant, carefree. Right now. Just as things are.”
Repeat this every day for the next 5 days. You can also add your own words that resonate most with you.
Think about this:
It takes a LOT more work to cover up/numb out WHO you really are. It takes a LOT more energy to suppress all those feelings of sadness, anger, resentment, regrets; to hold on to the past and to judgments about yourself and others. To hold in what you want to say to someone. It takes a LOT more energy to be a people pleaser than to just say, “I’m sorry, not now.”
Today, you can LET GO of all that crap you are covering up, hanging on to, hiding, feeling bad about, feeling anxious and depressed about. When you finally say: “I’m done pretending. I’m done hiding, covering up. I’m done feeling crappy and tired all the time.”
You give yourself permission to take the first step in being FREE:
- of the 100 lb weight on your chest
- the need to please others
- the need for constant approval and validation
- the illusion that you need to be perfect or else you are flawed.
FREE to breathe deeply and feel joy in your body, mind and spirit, to feel fricken awesome and high ‘vibey’ for NO reason other than because you decided to!
For many YEARS, I didn’t give myself permission to feel how I felt.
Years of suppressing anger, sadness, jealousy, judgements of others, rage and fear. I didn’t give myself permission to have abundance without feeling guilty, to quit worrying about my dad, my sister, my pets, all the animals and people in the world that suffered. I didn’t give myself permission to be a kid. To be carefree. I had to be the parent in my family. I could go on and on. Do you know how all this suppression manifested in my life? It manifested as depression and then turned into severe anxiety and panic attacks. I didn’t give myself permission to ask for help either! Nope. I was too stubborn and filled with VERY foolish pride. I suffered. Deeply.
For a VERY long time. I became paralyzed and numb. I even gave up a few times. It was just too hard to care anymore. Have you ever felt that way? Do you feel that way now? Suppressing who we really are and what we really want manifests into ugly and painful experiences: illness, stress, anxiety, depression, it lowers our immune system, ruins relationships, depletes our life force and energy. It’s not good ladies!
After years of suffering from not being authentically ME, little by little, I FINALLY gave myself permission to be real. To stop hiding. To stop pretending everything’s fine.
Here are just a few examples of me giving myself permission to do, be and have what I want (and deserve):
1. I created boundaries with my father:
I spent most of my life worrying about my dad. He was ill with a rare kidney disease and mental health challenges, in and out of the hospital for a period of time. He was depressed and financially broke (my parents had divorced when I was 14). At a very young age I had become like a ‘parent’ to my own parents, and then a caregiver to my dad. This took a great tool on me, as you can imagine.
Fast forward several years of me trying to help him emotionally, physically and financially. It finally came to a point where I had to distance myself eventually from him as he was very verbally abusive and disrespectful despite all the sacrifices I made to help him. I realized I couldn’t afford the emotional and financial drain this took, so created that boundary which is still in place today. This was one of the hardest things I had to do. I have no guilt or regrets about it anymore.
2. I got out of a marriage I was not happy in:
I could have stayed in my first marriage due to guilt and obligation but I gave myself permission to NOT be in an unhappy marriage. Life is much too short. I am now married to my beloved, Gavin and we have an amazing relationship.
3. I gave myself permission to say NO to invites to:
Book club, girls weekend, parties, time at someone’s cabin, concerts, Jewelry parties, happy hour, etc., when I really didn’t have the energy or time to say yes. I am quite social and outgoing, when I’m with my friends and I love to experience fun things and spend ‘quality’ time with people I care about and admire. Deciding to partake in social activities is on my terms now and not due to pressures or feeling guilty or obligated.
4. I have given myself permission to take time away from family gatherings when I need to.
I don’t attend every one of our kids sporting events (I’m extremely sensitive to crowds and loud noises). When we go away for the holidays for a family event, I allow myself to ‘break away’ for a breather by taking a walk alone for 15-30 minutes. No guilt either! If people are judging me, that’s their business (actually, I’ve had people tell me they are ‘jealous’ that I can do that. They can too!).
5. I FINALLY gave myself permission to say what I really feel, and to express my authentic feelings without worry of others judging me.
This was a tough one for me as I’ve always ‘prided’ myself on looking cool, calm and collected even though I’d be dying inside with emotional turmoil. I am now able to communicate what I feel in a respectful way, make requests for things I need, and show people my real, authentic feelings, including excitement and joy (which I used to suppress!).
6. I’m giving myself permission to have nice things WITHOUT guilt.
I used to feel very guilty EVERY time I bought myself something. No joke! Because I grew up very poor and my father was always struggling financially (and other family members at one point).
I always felt like I should help them out instead of buying myself stuff, now I know I need to take care of myself and have what I want. I can still help them out from time to time but it’s not my responsibility to take care of others (it only took me 20 years to figure that out!).
I’ve given myself permission to experience life in the most joyful way WITHOUT feeling guilty, or worrying that others may be struggling and don’t have what I have. Do you have that guilt too: Can’t be happy because others are struggling and unhappy!
People have told me countless times:
“Shelley, I’m so glad you did that, told me that, said that. If you hadn’t, I don’t know if I would have been able to (fill in the blank). Sometimes we need to see other women give themselves permission to do, be and have what they want to know it is not only okay, but imperative that we feel we deserve what we want. We are all here to support, encourage, inspire and love each other.
I want you to know that whatever you are struggling with, whatever fears you have, no matter how long you’ve been feeling this way, EVERY day is an opportunity to shift out of the ‘trance’ of feeling confused, blocked, defeated. Never give up!
You were NOT put on this planet to survive, just ‘get by’, go through the motions. You were put here because you have amazing gifts to offer your family, friends, community, the world (no pressure tho!). To share those gifts you need to be your authentic, joyful, fulfilled self, and that means giving yourself permission to feel good NOW. Right now.
To find more tips, resources and ideas on how to change your mindset and give yourself permission please check out my facebook page. I also encourage you to take advantage of a FREE complimentary coaching call to help you get clarity on what you want to clear out of your life so you can be free to be your authentic self and have all that you desire. Book your call here.